Ashley (thespiritroom) wrote,
Ashley
thespiritroom

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why don't i like the girl i see..the one who is standing right in front of me..

For some reason, listening to my old M2M cd really takes me back to 1999-00. I wanted to KILL Marion. But hey, at least I had feelings that strong for a boy, even if he was a "rockstar". Now, I feel numb to any sort of feelings toward the opposite sex. Even friendship with a boy baffles me. Because why would he want anything but sex? Maybe I just haven't had the best male role models to look up to in my life. I think all of them are out to get me.

A guy said something to me today, and let me tell you, it cut deep. It was one of those moments you never forget. The comment he carelessly made will stick with me for the rest of my life. I know I shouldn't give him the satisfaction, but man...if people only knew how their words hurt, maybe they'd think twice before they said them.

I am procrastinating everything. My writing portfolio..my senior project..my application to college..my entrance essay.. Man, I really need to get a hold on myself and buckle down. Why must I pass through life in daze, only doing the minimum requirement to get by? I only do what I have to do, not what I should. That's not one of my good qualities. Shay told me that when I feel down and depressed, to make a list of things I like about myself.

my sense of humor. it is the most demented of anyone's that i know. but i love making people laugh and i can find humor in anything if i try hard enough.
my eyes. they may be the only part of my body that i like. they're blue/green and look bigger than they really are when i wear eyeliner.
my heart. i admit, sometimes it is cold, but most of the time, i love helping people. i cry at anything, and though that annoys the crap out of me sometimes..at least i can still feel some emotions.
my straight-forwardness. if someone asks my my opinion, i don't hold back and all you will get from me is pure honesty lacking the sugorcoated hore$*&#.

Well, I think that is all. I'll write a list of things I don't like about myself tomorrow. What am I talking about? That will be a novel.
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