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Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
2:37 am - Ahahaha
How I Hurt Ashley Greyson by helldotnet
I met himpassing in front of the porn store.
I said"You've no idea the drain I'm putting on myself emotionally, mentally, and physically by keeping myself from kicking you in the nads repeatedly..."
Then Ibusted him in the noggin with a vodka bottle.
His response"MOMMY!"
Now Ihave to watch my back when I pass the porn store cause the own has it out for me; I put his number one buying customer into a coma.
My punishmentPicking up garbage on the side of the highway.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

current mood: amused

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Friday, July 2nd, 2004
1:04 am - al;fa;'gkslhah
My Best Friend is talenaownsme
Our 15 common interests are: concerts, guitars, hanson, john mayer, justincase, kristin diable, lifehouse, lyrics, michelle branch, music, nathan brant, singing, snow, tulsa, writing
Who is your best friend?
Created by macoto

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Thursday, July 1st, 2004
7:54 pm - Yay Michelle!
Michelle Branch Gets Hitched
June 30, 2004

Just shy of her 21st birthday, MICHELLE BRANCH is a bride! The pop star revealed the news to ET that she married TEDDY LANDAU, the bass player in her band. Branch is also the very first guest designer for Flirt!, bringing her own unique style to a line of nail polish and matching lip color.

I'm excited for her. I wonder if she had a private ceremony and if her family was there.

Also, check this out. Fanbook Project.

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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
2:42 am - I had to post this.
Wouldn't let me do it on my other username..

feelthestars and drum4udrum4me have been secretly doing it!
itsover has had implants. Y'know. *Those* Implants.
angelleah632 has been sent by the government to spy on you to make sure you're paying your taxes!
jessicaharp keeps an Ab-Master 9000 under their bed. It's not for their abs.
plurabelle and jessicaharp took twenty minutes to decide what to tell the paramedics and the RSPCA.
crush01, jessicaharp and rockstardani are involved in a sordid love-triangle, with amourpropre totally unaware!

Enter your username to dish the dirt on your friends!

I don't even want to know about Jess and the "abmaster" ahaha

current mood: amused

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Sunday, June 13th, 2004
1:03 am - New journal
So I know I've abondened this one for a while. I was tired of it. But I got a new one..

here's the url.. http://www.livejournal.com/~mybuttcansing

add me. if so, i'll add you back.


dont know if ill be using this thing anymore...

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Monday, April 26th, 2004
4:10 pm - asdg

You and Hanson
Full Name
Ike knows you because.. you screamed so hard at a show, he lost some of his hearing
Tay knows you because.. he caught you and Ike in the storage closet once
Zac knows you because.. he stalks you once in a while
Hanson you are meant to be best of friends with Tay.. even though he's a little prissy for your taste
This QuickKwiz by Jacinda - Taken 1179 Times.

me and ikey. haha.

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Monday, April 5th, 2004
7:51 pm - the passion's burning HOT.
ashFROMdaBLOCK: and i finally got the penny & me single. it was at wal mart and they had it under HOT SINGLES.. like 10 copies. imagine that!
ashFROMdaBLOCK: and NO one can tell me that Taylor's voice is not seductive and sexual.
ashFROMdaBLOCK: i want him. and i have never wanted him before. lmao.
ashFROMdaBLOCK: i just want to have an orgy with them
ashFROMdaBLOCK: is it too much to ask for
ashFROMdaBLOCK: they make me unbelievably horny
ashFROMdaBLOCK: why couldnt the song be
ashFROMdaBLOCK: ashley & me
ashFROMdaBLOCK: i mean really.
ashFROMdaBLOCK: so its official. im going to screw all of them. pass it on.

Sorry I haven't updated with anything meaningful lately. I've been writing more in my private journal..

current mood: giddy

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Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
4:38 pm - hook it up, rob

this is great news. i've always loved mb20, but i'm excited rob is branching out.

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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
8:14 pm - Aimless conversations 'bout the better days..
http://www.garfieldmovie.com/home.html <--This animation is adorable. Garfield defines my childhood. Can't wait for the movie..:)

Dude, Zac Hanson is mega hot. I can't stop listening to "Misery".

I just need to say that Amanda is my best friend in the whole wide world. My dad has been SO anal lately, and I was breaking down, and she was there. Her and her mom are awesome. Despite what happened a while back, she is still my best friend and always will be...and it takes a lot for me to call someone a best friend because, as you know, I have my issues. Throughout all the pain I've been through, and all the crap my parents lives have caused me to endure..she's been just a phone call away. I thank God for her and Linda!

Waking up this morning thinking that this can't be real
They say there is nothing love can't heal
Won't you come on down so you can feel what I feel?


I listened to my old Michael W. Smith CD today, Live The Life, and I got inspired. His stuff is brilliant. He is brilliant. I want God to speak through me like that.

I want to study theology. And psychology. And religion. And photography. And music technology. And writing. I wish they had some sort of degree for all of that.

(Random note: I am soo sick of "Penny & Me". PLAY A NEW SONG.)

And these days, I wish I was six again

I remember when me and Amanda made mud pies for Jessica and tried to get her to eat them. And then when I got stung by a hornet 'cause she made me go up by the nest to perform the wedding ceremony between her and her invisible boyfriend. And I remember when we pretended her yorkie, Branday, was her baby. And that haunted house we did was mad scary! And I remember her birthday party. Since it was close to Halloween, they made some foods that resembled body parts and I had to stick my hand in the "brain" (spaghetti)! And then the time we met Hanson.. and the time after that.. And when Taylor remembered her.. and when we went to Chicago and "met" Michael Jordan. And when we tried to get into the eye-max theatre but they wouldn't believe I was eleven! And then when we met Kristin at Birthday Bash. And followed Hanson throughout Ohio, Cincy, Louisville.... fun times.

I had to reminisce. Sorry. It's my journal, dangit. ;)

current mood: groggy

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Monday, March 22nd, 2004
7:51 pm - so fresh and so clean.
Oh my wow.. Jewel is the absolute best ever. I'm serious. I have no words. It's shows like that that remind me that the journey will definitely be worth the trouble when I finally reach my destination. Or if. Whatever.

The guy who opened her show,
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Oh my wow.. Jewel is the absolute best ever. I'm serious. I have no words. It's shows like that that remind me that the journey will definitely be worth the trouble when I finally reach my destination. Or if. Whatever.

The guy who opened her show, <A href="http://www.joefirstman.com" target"new">Joe Firstman</a>, is so adorable. He performed barefooted. And at the end, him and Jewel sang a duet that they wrote, "Everything Reminds Me of You". So beautiful. And he wasn't wearing a ring either. Teehee.

ARGH. I am so just..uck. I want this, I want that..I don't know what I want. I want some stress relief--yes, that's it. I have 2 websites to finish, one to update, and I might be making brochures for my dad's company. Plus, I have to do my senior project, and finish a piece for my writing portfolio. It's stress out the booty here.

I just want to sit down with a cup of coffee and a good book curled up on the couch with Seinfeld reruns in the background. Which reminds me, I cannot find <b>any</b> good books at the library..and that chaps my butt.

I hope they release the Seinfeld series on DVD. That would be nearly as good, if not better, than Dawson's creek. :)

Bah. Next week is spring break.. and I have nothing to look forward to. I'm thinking about making a date with myself this Friday night to go see that new Julia Stiles movie, <i>The Prince and Me</i>. Not because I need the quality time alone with myself, but because I can't get a <i>real</i> date...and I'm not joking. I guess I first finally realized that I was a reject when in the sixth grade, Brandi Burkes told me so. Ever since then, things just haven't been the same.

I don't know.

I love Gavin DeGraw.

Oh yes..I made a list.

<b>21 Things I Want in a Lover</b> (<i>as inspired by Alanis</i>)
1. sense of humor
2. he has to be a musician. i mean it. i will not marry a guy who isn't..because no one other than a musician can get a musician's perspective.
3. has to be a Christian. any relationship of mine would be doomed from the start without this essential quality.
4. big lips. not giant, but thick enough to..well..you know.
5. nice butt. bubble butts extremely welcome.
6. eyes that i can connect with. <i>what??</i> when i look into them, i have to just <i>know</i> and have "that feeling".
7. good hair. curly, shaggy, long..doesn't matter, as long as i can run my fingers through it.
8. sensitivity. i don't want him to be totally feminine, but a guy who is sensitive says volumes about him and his feelings for me.

Okay..so that's not exactly 21, but if I add more, I'll be getting too picky.

Boy + Guitar=Instant Turnon.

current mood: cold

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Thursday, March 18th, 2004
9:30 pm - I'm a bad fan.
I forgot that the 14th was Taylor's 21st birthday. I just remembered. Four days later. Hahaha. This proves I am not obsessed.

I haven't been around lately 'cause our internet was down. We just installed broadband, though. Woo-hoo!

Well, I have nothing left to say. Life is throwing me punches and I'm taking them.

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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
10:06 pm - well it don't make sense.. it's just craziness
I planned on writing a really long entry, but I have no energy left.

Therapy mad me so mad today. I don't want to go into it, but let's just say I left so mad I wanted to knock things over, rip out my hair, and run through a field screaming.

Thank the Lord tomorrow is Friday. I was starting to wonder if it'd ever come.

I'm going to attempt sleep now. Can't wait to see Jewel..9 more days!:)

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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
9:40 pm - why don't i like the girl i see..the one who is standing right in front of me..
For some reason, listening to my old M2M cd really takes me back to 1999-00. I wanted to KILL Marion. But hey, at least I had feelings that strong for a boy, even if he was a "rockstar". Now, I feel numb to any sort of feelings toward the opposite sex. Even friendship with a boy baffles me. Because why would he want anything but sex? Maybe I just haven't had the best male role models to look up to in my life. I think all of them are out to get me.

A guy said something to me today, and let me tell you, it cut deep. It was one of those moments you never forget. The comment he carelessly made will stick with me for the rest of my life. I know I shouldn't give him the satisfaction, but man...if people only knew how their words hurt, maybe they'd think twice before they said them.

I am procrastinating everything. My writing portfolio..my senior project..my application to college..my entrance essay.. Man, I really need to get a hold on myself and buckle down. Why must I pass through life in daze, only doing the minimum requirement to get by? I only do what I have to do, not what I should. That's not one of my good qualities. Shay told me that when I feel down and depressed, to make a list of things I like about myself.

my sense of humor. it is the most demented of anyone's that i know. but i love making people laugh and i can find humor in anything if i try hard enough.
my eyes. they may be the only part of my body that i like. they're blue/green and look bigger than they really are when i wear eyeliner.
my heart. i admit, sometimes it is cold, but most of the time, i love helping people. i cry at anything, and though that annoys the crap out of me sometimes..at least i can still feel some emotions.
my straight-forwardness. if someone asks my my opinion, i don't hold back and all you will get from me is pure honesty lacking the sugorcoated hore$*&#.

Well, I think that is all. I'll write a list of things I don't like about myself tomorrow. What am I talking about? That will be a novel.

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
9:28 pm - out my window, a memory. i'm dying inside; i know the way it should be.
I went to the library today. I love books. They temporarily let me live out someone else's problems and not think so much about my own. Some seem to think I'm weird because I read more than school assigns. I just happen to enjoy it? I could lie and say, though, that the library is my sanctuary. In fact, it makes me completely uncomfortable. Since the first day I walked into that place, I felt something was off. The people acted weird. I'd think for one to work in a library, you'd have to at least have a passion for reading... but these people seemed like they didn't care at all and were just there because they had to be. Bad attitudes. And I felt like I was being followed.

Hanson's new album will be out in April. I'm kind of excited but kind of just like "ehh..". It's not that I don't like their music anymore, I love it. I'm just no longer interested in them as people. If I go to another show, I will be surprised. Their music is still good, but I can't see me spending my money on Hanson tickets. Not anymore. Maybe this will change. I sort of hope it does. My Hanson "fandom" was something I could always sort of count on as being firm and steady..never changing. I mean, as much as I've changed throughout the past seven years, my love for Hanson hasn't changed much. I've just evolved into an "im so over their bodies and i don't wish to marry them anymore" state. I've actually felt like this for a quite a while. Actually, you may not even care. But it means something to me. Hanson's music was always there for me. It was almost like a religion.. or a drug. Sometimes I miss having something to base my life around, but now I have something real. I have God. After all, Hanson are just humans. They eff up, too. I mean, look at Taylor. *snickers* Sorry.. that was unnecessary.

I hope I win tickets to see Guster's afternoon show on Friday since I won't be seeing them with M5 and Mayer that night. To tell you the truth, I don't know much of their music, but they seem like cool lads. (Why did I just say lads?)

Drugs are stupid. I think I'm going to start a nonprofit organization one of these days for depressed and anxious people effected by divorce, drugs, abuse, and all that other crap so I can inspire people. Ha. Like that'll ever happen.

I had someone offer to design my CD cover. How exciting is that? I think this may mean I am getting somewhere.

Man, I so cannot wait to perform. Eek!

Water is so good. Why am I so thirsty lately?

You know what really gives me the red butt? That people are separated into social classes. Why can't people get over their egos and just love one another like Jesus does, selflessly? Why must we fight and kill over things that could be easily resolved with prayer and a little understanding and respect? Why is America turning on its president? Sure, he may not be making the decisions everyone agrees with, but still, he is our leader and we need to support him through thick and thin. After all, we did vote him in. And do you honestly think Gore could do a better job? coughNOcough. And if you didn't vote, you have no right to complain.

I don't know where that came from. Just frustration with society and the American people. Hell, we claim to be this mighty country but none of us can even agree to support our leader--the one who is making some of the most important decisions that will effect us.

I want a blueberry slushy. Gosh, I'm craving like a pregnant woman. Hah. Wouldn't it be funny if......nevermind.

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Friday, March 5th, 2004
10:17 pm
I'm all hot and sweaty and dripping wet. My shoes are muddy and they make weird noises when I walk on them. It's about time I get a new pair anyway.

It's raining lightly, but it stormed earlier today making the ground soft and slushy.

I let my dog out to piss, and he never came back, so I had to go searching for him. After a few minutes, I found him in the back yard. He ran away from me, going up the hill and over the ditch, past the empty lot, and all the way to the end of the street. A car passed and..

oh, fuck it. I can't finish the story because I am so shaken up. Another panic attack.

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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
9:16 pm - how strange it seems to be me if tomorrow i opened my eyes and i was someone else who would i be?
I went and saw The Passion again today, but I went with my mom and stepdad. They loved it. Again, I was greatly moved.

Lately, I've been struggling with God's will and what He wants me to do with my life. I know He has a plan and a purpose, but I haven't found it yet. Or perhaps I have, I just don't want to pursue it because i'm scared/skeptical/unbelieving. *Insert loooong sigh here.*

Music has always called me. I don't know if I need to follow that call. I don't know if it's from God. How can I tell that it's not the world wanting me to screw up? I have to walk by faith, and I know this, but sometimes faith is hard to grasp. Please pray that I find some. Maybe I just need to step out with God, my guitar, and a couple hundred dollars in my pocket. I might not have a destination just yet, but I can at least have fun getting there.

And then flippin' logic sets in. If I could attack it, I would. It crashes dreams. People crash dreams.


Taken from Dawson's Creek, Episode 516

Jen: Clever is distancing. Clever puts up this wall between you and the audience. So you can't trust clever.

Steve: I see. So in general, you trust passion. Has passion always steered you right in life?

Jen: Well, I mean, no, not in life, but...

Steve: but in art.

Jen: Yeah, but art is supposed to be passionate. Art is supposed to make you feel—

Steve: no, no. Life is supposed to make you feel. Art is supposed to make you feel good.

Jen: Is that all that art is supposed to do?

Steve: No, but if you need it to do more, then... maybe there's something wrong with your life.

Jen: Are you saying that there is something wrong with my life?

And I leave you with that, folks.

current mood: drained

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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
8:14 pm - i still feel small when i stand beside the ocean.
These last couple of days have been...super. I hesitate to say that because I don't want to jinx it, but they really have been great. We went to Joe's Crab Shack Friday night for Austin's birthday. I got to see Amanda and Kristin (!!) on Saturday. And on Sunday, I saw The Passion. It's awe-inspiring, heartwrenching, and just moving. That's all I can really say...except that it has prompted me to change for the better. :) Yesterday evening I went to Amanda's and we started writing..it was fun. Hadn't written with her in forever. And this afternoon, the girl from down the road came over and we went walking. The only thing about her is..I just don't feel right when I'm with her. I mean, she really is a nice person..but..she's not the best influence for me. I know this. :-/

Austin, my brother, also won his game tonight. Woo-hoo! If they win again Thursday, they go to the finals. I'm proud of him.

You know..I was thinking. I don't have anything really meaningful to say in here anymore. Meaningful to other people, I mean. What I write usually means something to me, but no one really comments on the entries I feel are most important or the most life-changing events I share. I was thinking of starting a more private journal..whadya think?

Love to you..'night.

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Sunday, February 29th, 2004
9:42 pm - Though I've tried, I've fallen..I have sunk so low.

And to think that one person sacrificed His life so that we could be set free.

See this movie. And if you get nothing else from it, know that someone loves you. And not just anyone. Jesus loves you. If you have any questions about Christianity..email me. I'll be happy to answer them. <3

images from thepassionofthechrist.com.

"Don't wanna get up in your face
Don't wanna put the pressure on
Don't wanna make you run away
Just wanna show you love"-Jaci Velasquez

current mood: humbled

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Saturday, February 28th, 2004
10:52 pm - jksdhfuiyht
So I got bored..Collapse )

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
9:18 pm - Speed... how fast will it go.. can it get me over her quickly.. zero to sixty
My dog, Seinfeld, is so horny. Every day when I get home from school, he gets a boner. And the other night I was trying to go to sleep and he starting doing my arm..so I'm just like "whatever; it'll be over soon enough". Then he gizzed and my arm smelled like his piss. So I rolled back over and went to sleep. And today I caught him in the act of air humping. Quite amusing actually.. I'm going to try and catch it on tape. I don't know why, but the subject of sex just intrigues me. I don't know if this is normal.

In other news..I started a book this morning and finished it this evening. It wasn't great but it didn't suck. I feel like I related a lot to the character except that he often went off on random ramblings... hmm... ;)

I have never craved water really.. but right now I do. How weird is that?

My dad announced to my family that I "made a new friend". Of course he doesn't know that this friend is a stoner. She asked me yesterday to get high with her and I was like "nah"..but she convinced me to at least go with her because she said she hates smoking pot alone. So we walked down my street and she commenced to get really fucked up in this tunnel under the road. I didn't even know it was there. Anyway, I just sat there on the concrete and watched her inhale through her coke can. And it was funny. Not funny, really, but something like out of a book. The situation was kind of new to me. I've never been stoned with anyone my age before. And I wasn't stoned then, I just definitely got a huge breeze of it. And then she came to my house and we tried our hardest not to let my dad know what was up, but I could tell that he knew something was different because my dad is not an ignoramus (how do you spell that anyway?). Or maybe that was just my paranoia. Hell, I don't know.

So I really need some sleep so I'm going to get off here. Oh..my stepmom, Deanna, is going to talk to the homeowner's associaton of our neighborhood to see if they can hire me to do their website..I'm sort of excited, as this means I can have sort of a job that I kind of enjoy.

I'm going to go lay down with Seinfeld now. I'll update you tomorrow on his sex drive.

Oh dear. He has another erection.

Who uses the word 'erection' anyway besides school counselors?

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